Old buddies ( Velhos amigos)

Man..... it's so strange when you see your old buddies again...! I have just found some buddies from the times of middle school, high school.... it doesn't seem to me it was so long ago.... yeah.... life changes....

Gosh, my friends are MARRIED AND WITH CHILDREN!!!!

How???

And I am still in my "teens" life.... enjoying life as if I was still 18. Sometimes I don't believe in my own age. It seems that someone is trying to cheat on me and I am not buying the idea!

Almost all my old buddies have children now...
Married....

It doesn't seem real.... my life is so different from theirs! They have their degrees, their husbands, wives and their children. Gosh....so different from my life.... I got kinda of scared now. I don't know why. I don't know if I am living a "real" life. This "au pair" life doesn' t seem real, as my friend Sam said.... it is just so... out of what I have always considered as "normal" ! It seems that I live in a different sphere, in another dimension.

Irvine....the perfect city....
Make up
My old car
Nor a penny in my pocket.

What world is this in which I have been living in???

???????????

He - the turning moment: when a J becomes a K

For that crazy moment, he would leave it all.
And he did.
All the passion that she carried... it was too much for him. He could explode. And he did. And the stars were nothing. And the universe became small.
All the madness, the crazyness were in him.
He felt so fulfilled, so intense, that he couldn't control the flow of life running inside of him.
He had no body anymore.
He became part of everything.
He would die for her.
Nothing mattered anymore.
That minute was eternal.

Nothing was ever deeper than that moment. Than her.
And, under her, the cold, inflexible metal. His sword.
Nothing would ever be over her. Not even his sword.

She was the perfect circle.
He started in her.
She was the beginning.
She was the middle.
And she would be his end.
Anything before her.
Anything after her.

Just her.

Purple Sensitiveness

Purple Sensitiveness

by Michelle Inaba

Dense
Crazy
Lost
Intense
Lonely
In this darkness
The search for something that is untouchable
Everything spins
The heart beats frantic
Unsensitivily sensitiviness
Madness
Surrender
Totality
A limited body that carries
A spirit that cannot be satisfied with the ordinary
A mind that cannot catch up with the heart
Where does all the beauty go
when it's dark inside?
What does one do
when it doesn't know which the way is?
When all the paths lead to nowhere?
Confusion
The soul is a red rose
Pulsing
Bleeding
Passionately
Crazily
What do you do
when your skin is so thin
that even the summer breeze can cut you
From the inside?
When healing is a mirage
And you are heavenly on one step from the edge?
When even the sound of a pin dropping
Is an explosion
running in your blood
Popping up inside your veins?
Where do you run to?
Where would you go
If you had no other choice
but being you?
What do you do
when a gift becomes a curse?
Sensitiveness
Sharp Purple Violet
Smoothly
Cutting
the flesh.

The Death - The 12th card ( A Morte - Carta numero 12)

He has gone.
She was left behind, the sword in her hands. What to do now?
Alone, she walked... the dry leaves on the ground showed that winter would be hard. That could help her. Or destroy her for good.

But this is just part of a long journey. It's her journey, and only hers.

The cabin seemed so empty.... the warmth had gone, together with him. Now everything was quite similar : the coldness of the place, the coldness of her heart. It had to be this way. She had just this choice. Passion would be no use now. Maybe even destructive.

But how to shut this inner voice up? How to control her effervescent blood, that flowed in her veins with such a strength that it was hard even to breath?

She was a dragon. And he knew it. He knew it since the very first time he saw her.

The sword in her hands was being dragged, grabbing itself to the ground, as if it knew what was expecting it... but,as she, the sword would have to go, in the very same way as she grabbed to the soil, her soul desiring to stay, in peace, in calm... she would go. And so would the sword.

And, with this thought, she felt the strength coming from the earth and growing up all inside her body and filling her spirit with what she needed. And, with a strong and decided movement, she put the sword into the soil, right in front of her door.

Turning into her left, she looked to the abism, right by her cabin. The wind that blew all her red long hair back was the same wind that took her scream to the world:

" COME!"



Ele se foi.
Ela foi deixada pra tras, a espada em suas maos. O que fazer agora?
Sozinha, ela caminhou... as folhas secas no chao mostravam que o inverno seria duro. Isso poderia ajuda-la. Ou destrui-la de uma vez por todas.

Mas esta eh apenas uma parte de uma longa jornada. Eh a jornada dela e somente dela.

A cabana parecia tao vazia.... o calor havia se esvaido, junto com ele. Agora tudo era bem parecido : o frio do lugar, o frio de seu coracao. Tinha que ser assim. Ela soh tinha essa opcao. A paixao nao seria util agora. Poderia ser ateh destrutiva.

Mas como calar essa voz que vem de dentro dela? Como controlar esse sangue efervescente, que corria nas veias dela com tanta forca que era dificil ateh respirar?

Ela era um dragao. E ele sabia disso. Ele sabia disso desde o primeiro instante em que a viu.

A espada em suas maos era arrastada, agarrando-se ao solo, como se soubesse o que a esperava... mas, como ela, a espada teria que ir, e exatamente da mesma maneira que ela se agarrava ao solo, sua alma desejando ficar, em paz, em calma... ela ira. E tambem iria a espada.

E, com este pensamento, ela sentiu a forca vindo da terra e crescendo dentro de seu corpo e preenchendo seu espirito com o que ela precisava. E , com um movimento forte e decidido, ela fincou a espada no solo, bem em frente de sua porta.

Virando-se para sua esquerda, ela olhou o abismo, bem ao lado de sua cabana. O vento que soprava em seus longos cabelos vermelhos era o mesmo vento que levou o seu grito ao mundo:

" VENHAM!"

The Hidden Place - A poem by myself ( Um poema feito por mim)

The Hidden Place

by Michelle Inaba

In a far, far away place
Beyond the mountains
Beyond the sea
In a distant land
Forgotten by the world
There I am
Hidden
From all the noise of the world
In this very cosy place
Which is so mine,
Where the pine trees whisper to the wind's ears
And the small flowers open themselves to be kissed by the sun
And where all the poetry
Turn from words into reality
There I am
There I hide
In this magic place
There are no questions
No doubts
In this very hidden place
I can't lose track of myself
I can't get lost
In this very special place
The weather is never too cold
Neither too hot
It's always time to go out and smile
And Rainbows come without rain
In my very hidden place
I can hear God's voice
Peace comes like raindrops
You just need to stand there and
Let yourself get drenched of it
You can dance the music of silence
In the rhythm of your body
Nobody is there
There is nobody home
It is the hidden place
Where it's never too late
Or too soon
Where you can always hide from the world
But never from yourself
I wish I could stay there forever.

O lugar escondido

Em um lugar muito, muito distante
Alem das montanhas
Alem do mar
Em uma terra distante
Esquecida pelo mundo
Lah eu estou
Escondida
De todo o barulho do mundo
Nesse pequeno e aconchegante lugar
Que eh tao meu,
Onde os pinheiros sussurram aos ouvidos do vento
E as florzinhas se abrem para serem beijadas pelo sol
E onde toda a poesia
Transforma-se de palavras em realidade
Aqui estou eu
Aqui eu me escondo
Neste lugar magico
Nao existem perguntas
Nao existem duvidas
Neste lugar escondido
Nao ha como perder o rumo de mim mesma
Nao ha como me perder
Nesse lugar tao especial
O tempo nunca eh muito frio
Nem muito quente
E eh sempre tempo de sair e sorrir
E arco-iris sempre vem sem chuva
Nesse meu lugar escondido
Eu consigo ouvir a voz de Deus
A paz vem como gotas de chuva
Voce soh precisa ficar lah fora
E se deixar encharcar
Voce pode dancar a musica do silencio
No ritmo do seu corpo
Ninguem estah lah
Nao hah ninguem em casa
Esse eh o lugar escondido
Onde nunca eh tarde demais
Ou cedo demais
Onde voce pode sempre se esconder do mundo
Mas nunca de si mesmo
Eu queria poder ficar lah pra sempre.

Thank you for all those who posted me a comment ( Obrigada a todos que postaram um comentario)

Thank you all my friends who posted comments for me! Friends that I know for long time, friends that I've known recently and friends that I don't know in person yet. Thank you all a lot. It really means something to me. It's good to know that I am not talking to myself only. Thank you for your kind words and for your support!

Danke!


Obrigada a todos os meus amigos que postaram comentarios pra mim! Amigos que eu conheco faz tempo, amigos que eu conheco hah pouco tempo e amigos que eu nao conheco pessoalmente ainda. Muito obrigada a todos. Eh realmente importante pra mim. Eh bom saber que eu nao estou falando sozinha, comigo mesma. Obrigada pelas palavras e pelo apoio!

Losing track of myself - Seeds of Love

I am worried... I am afraid of losing track of myself again. I know I am in the right way, I feel it. But I am afraid. I don't wanna lose myself again. Not now that I feel I could reach my heart, my inner ....self.

Life's been crazy the latest days. I am still trying to manage it. Not used to it, though. But changes are part of life and I like them. I like when I can feel life flowing. Things changing. I remember then what I will do, and how I will feel when I will effectively be in the flow of the world, traveling around it, being taken by the wind like a leaf. With no chains, no imposed limits... just me, and the world, and and the feeling of life flowing in my veins... getting to know different people, different cultures, expanding my views .... understanding more about the world and even more about myself. And I want to spread my "seeds of love" wherever I go.

I don't want chains. I believe there are no limits for the human soul. I believe we create our limits, our chains. I want my spirit to be the way it is, totally free. Free of prejudice, free of false ideas, false concepts, free of bad feelings, free of selfishness, free of everything that can make it a limited spirit.

I have to keep on reminding me of that, though.

My seeds of love: what are they?

My seeds of love are the good things I do in my life, everyday. They are the good actions I may take in order to make someone's life better. Seeds of love are not meant to expect something back besides love. And this love is a very wide love: I mean friendship, love for the other human beings. Being human and liking other humans. If I can do something good to someone, everyday, then I will be planting my seeds of love. Spreading love wherever I go. I hope, by the end of my journey on this Earth, I will have helped to bring smiles to as many people as possible; I will have helped to dry as many tears as possible;
Well, in the end, that is all I will have left of me in this world. I think this is the only thing that will last of me - the only REAL thing - the amount of kindness and love and caring I will leave behind me. The love I shared with the people.

When I think about it, I imagine myself walking along a long road and, in each step I leave behind, a gentle flower blossoms. Kinda of poetic. But it makes me feel good.

I need to remember that. I need to keep track of who I am and never forget it. I need to go on striving to be a better person, every single day. I hope I can.



Estou preocupada.... estou com medo de perder o rumo, o caminho de mim mesma de novo. Eu sei que eu estou no caminho certo, eu sinto isso. Mas eu estou com medo. Eu nao quero me perder de novo. Nao agora que eu consegui alcancar o meu coracao, o meu interior... o meu eu.

A vida tem sido meio louca nos ultimos dias. Eu ainda estou tentando gerencia-la. Soh que eu nao estou muito acostumada. Mas mudancas sao parte da vida e eu gosto delas. Eu gosto quando eu consigo sentir a vida fluindo. As coisas mudando. Entao eu lembro do que eu vou fazer e de como eu vou me sentir quando eu efetivamente estiver no fluxo do mundo,viajando ao redor dele, sendo levada pelo vento como uma folha. Sem correntes, sem limites impostos... soh eu, e o mundo, e a sensacao da vida fluindo pelas minhas veias.... conhecer gente nova, diferente, culturas diferentes, expandir os meus pontos de vista.. entender mais
sobre o mundo e, principalmente, sobre mim mesma. E eu quero espalhar as minhas "sementes de amor" por onde quer que eu vah.

Eu nao quero correntes. Eu acredito que nao ha limites pro espirito humano. Eu acredito que nos criamos nossos limites, nossas correntes. Eu quero que o meu espirito seja do jeito que ele eh, totalmente livre. Livre de preconceito, livre de falsas ideias, falsos conceitos, livre de maus sentimentos, livre do egoismo, livre de tudo que possa fazer dele um espirito limitado.

No entanto, eu tenho que ficar me lembrando disso.

Minhas sementes de amor: o que sao elas?

Minhas sementes de amor sao as coisas boas que eu faco na minha vida, todos os dias. Elas sao as boas acoes que eu posso fazer para tornar a vida de alguem melhor. Sementes de amor nao sao feitas pra receber nada que nao seja amor em troca. E esse amor eh um amor muito amplo: eu estou falando de amizade, de amor por outros seres humanos. Ser humano e gostar de outros humanos. Se eu puder fazer alguma coisa boa pra alguem, todos os dias, entao eu terei estarei plantando as minhas sementes de amor. Espalhar amor por onde quer que eu vah. Eu espero, ao final da minha jornada nesta Terra, que eu tenha ajudado a trazer sorrisos ao maior numero de pessoas possivel; que eu tenha ajudado a secar as lagrimas do maior numero de pessoas possivel. Bom, no final, isso eh tudo o que eu realmente terei deixado de mim neste mundo. Eu acho que eh a unica coisa que vai restar de mim - a unica coisa REAL - a quantidade de bondade e de amor e de carinho que eu vou deixar pra tras de mim. O amor que eu compartilhei com as pessoas.

Bom, quando eu penso nisso, eu me imagino caminhando por uma longa estrada e, ao final de cada passo que eu deixo pra tras, uma florzinha nasce. Meio poetico. Mas me faz sentir bem. Eu preciso me lembrar disso. Eu preciso ter atencao e manter quem eu sou e nunca esquecer disso. Eu preciso continuar batalhando pra ser uma pessoa melhor, a cada dia. Espero que eu consiga.

Los Angeles and Chicago

I am going exercising now... but I promise that, as soon as I can, I will put the pictures and the stories of Los Angeles and Chicago here! Inadequate for people under 18: these stories are not rated for your age. Don't let mom and dad know it ! ;) ;P


Eu vou me exercitar agora.... mas eu prometo que, assim que puder, eu vou colocar as fotos e as historias de Los Angeles e de Chicago aqui! Nao recomendavel para pessoas abaixo de 18 anos: essas historias nao sao adequadas para a sua idade. Nao deixem mamae e papai saberem! ;) ;P

Santa Barbara - New Year's Eve ( Santa Barbara - Ano Novo)

Hey, everybody! I spent the New Year's Eve in Santa Barbara with my friend Michele Fernanda. It was cool because I was with her,but the city didn't do anything. No one on the beach!!! Can you believe that? I was impressed by that. But she and I had a great moment together. We always have moments of great beauty. But don't take this wrong, okay? ;)

She took great pictures of me - I never thought this would ever happen - I'm not quite photogenic. But her pictures were great. I would have put them here if she had sent them to me.... :P (Michele - send me the pictures!!!!!) Most of the pictures here were taken by myself.


Oh, well... we spent the turning moment to the new year in a bar. Cool. On the next day, we stayed at a bookstore, just relaxing and seeing books and having coffee... and after we had dinner at a very nice diner... natural restaurant, very zen.




On Monday, the 2nd, I left Santa Barbara and headed to Los Angeles.




E ai, galera! Eu passei o Reveillon em Santa Barbara com a minha amiga Michele Fernanda. Foi legal porque eu estava com ela, mas a cidade nao fez nada. Ninguem na praia!!! Dah pra acreditar? Eu fiquei impressionada. Mas eu e ela nos divertimos juntas. Nos sempre temos momentos de grande beleza. Mas nao vao entender isso errado, hein?

Ela tirou fotos otimas de mim - eu nunca achei que isso um dia iria acontecer... Eu nao sou muito fotogenica... Mas as fotos que ela tirou ficaram otimas. Eu teria as posto aqui se ela tivesse me mandado as fotos....:P ( Michele - manda as fotos!!!) A maior parte das fotos aqui foram tiradas por mim mesma.

Bom... nos passamos a virada num bar. Legal. No dia seguinte, nos ficamos numa livraria, soh relaxando e vendo livros e tomando cafe... e depois nos jantamos num lugarzinho legal... um restaurante natural, bem zen.


Na segunda, dia 02, eu deixei Santa Barbara rumo a Los Angeles.

The woman with sad eyes - A mulher dos olhos tristes

While we were sitting on State Street (Santa Barbara), in front of Borders, just listening to the music that came from the other building and watching the lights of the street, a middle-aged woman, sitting, her back to us, was crying.
And I asked myself :" Why is she crying, while sits and watches the street, in a cold night, in an ordinary Sunday, in the very first day of a new year? What would be the reasons for her pain? I wonder if she could be remembering a possible husband, who could have passed away, the companion of a life and remembering his presence in this moments... Or the lost of a beloved son. Or the distance from a daughter, who is maybe far from her because of some stupid argument for some stupid reason... reason that makes them spend their lives apart, while pain and love live together inside the same heart... what would that be?
Her eyes were sad, and all her face carried the image of loneliness. A loneliness accompanied by tears.

She now stands up and walk, carrying with her a whole unknown story, which must be full of little and precious details that are not important for anybody else, but which are HER LIFE. And there she goes, taking with her all her tears, some sadness that come from the inner bottom of her heart and takes all her soul.

And there she goes, in her loneliness.
And, ahead of us, the empty chair.
And the sensation of Life, that goes, flows... and the people that come and go...

And the street...still full of lights that, as everything else, go on, just as Life goes on, no matter our pain or our happiness.



Enquanto estavamos sentadas na State Street (Santa Barbara), na frente do Borders, simplesmente ouvindo a musica que vinha do outro predio e olhando as luzes da rua, uma mulher, jah de meia-idade, sentada de costas pra nos, chorava. E eu me perguntei :" Por que serah que ela chora, enquanto senta e olha a rua, numa noite gelada de um domingo comum, do primeiro dia de um novo ano? Quais serao os motivos da sua dor? Eu imagino que ela pode estar lembrando da presenca de um marido que faleceu, o companheiro de uma vida e relembrando a presenca dele nestes momentos. Ou a perda de um filho amado. Ou a distancia de uma filha, de repente longe dela por alguma briga estupida por um motivo idiota... e que as faz passar a vida distantes, enquanto amor e dor convivem no mesmo peito...

O que serah?

Seus olhos tinham tristeza, e seu semblante todo carregava a imagem da solidao. Uma solidao acompanhada de lagrimas. Ela se levanta e se vai, carregando consigo toda uma historia desconhecida, que deve estar cheia de pequenos e preciosos detalhes que nao sao importantes pra mais ninguem, mas que sao SUA VIDA.

Ela se vai, carregando consigo suas lagrimas, uma tristeza que vem do amago e toma toda a sua alma.
Ela se vai, em sua solidao.

E, a nossa frente, a cadeira vazia... a sensacao da Vida que passa, fluida, e das pessoas que vao e vem.... e a rua, iluminada, como tudo que continua, como a Vida que continua, independente das nossas dores e alegrias...

Zen

" Zen is not a religion, not a dogma, not a creed. Zen is not even a quest, in inquiry; it is non-philosophical.
The fundamental of the Zen approach is that all is as it should be, nothing is missing. This very moment everything is perfect" - Osho



" Zen nao eh uma religiao, um dogma, um credo. Zen nao eh nem mesmo uma pergunta; ele eh nao-filosofico.
O fundamento da abordagem ZEN eh que tudo estah como deveria ser, nada estah faltando. Neste exato momento, tudo eh perfeito." - Osho