Pieces of the book I haven't written yet

I knocked the door behind my back because I didn't want to feel guilty for the mistakes I have made. It seems that, if I leave that door closed, the mistakes will disappear and I will not have to face my regrets or wishes to have done differently. Sometimes the door opens.... you don't keep your monsters in secret forever. Sometimes an ant can be a giant monster, an un-overcoming mountain....

Nobody wants to feel guilty. Then you eat. You have sex. You talk on people's back. You cry. You get high. You drink. You smoke. You listen to music. You drive fast and dangerously, racing death. It is just another bunch of shit you do in order not to feel guilty... regreted... unloved.... alone.

Just like the character in Crime and Punishment... the human soul is just a puzzle, a terrible and painful puzzle. Psychology can explain much. But not all. Maybe. Who knows? But what do you do when you can diagnose yourself? Or, at least, have an idea of some of your issues? And what if you can figure the problem but not the solution?

Damn life.