X-mas is here - and I'm not scared
Another X-mas... who would tell? This is my second Christmas in this country.
Until a couple of days ago, I was scared. Scared of being alone on Christmas Eve. As I said last year, I realized that all I knew about Christmas and all the magic were due to my mother. She taught me Christmas and she kept the magic until the day I left. And then, in the second place, I learned that Christmas means my family for me. It is my bunch of cousins and aunts talking in the dinning room and my uncles talking about soccer in the living room, where my grandma puts the Christmas tree.
My mom would make the little recreation of Jesus's birth ( I don't know what name Americans give to it) and leave it in the dinning room. My grandma would spend the whole day cooking stuff for the night. My mom, too. And also my aunt Sueli. Then, a little near midnight, we would head to my aunt's house and wait for midnight there. Years ago, we used to go to the 2-hour-mass (we used to be Catholic), that would start at midnight.Well, not that we used to, but we did that once or twice, that I can remember.
Well, then, at my aunt's house, all the food would be taken to the big table and we would gather around it a little before midnight. At midnight, we would pray " O Pai Nosso" ( I have no idea what name it has in English, but it is that most famous prayer that Christians know). And then we would eat the meal. Then we would come back home and open presents. Then, in the morning of the 25th (almost noon, in my case), we would get up, enjoy our presents and head to my aunt's house, where we would have a big Christmas lunch. After I got older, I used to head to my friends/ boyfriend's families' house, after lunch.
The 24th would be much more exciting and the days before it, too. My mom likes listening to Christmas songs out loud. Very loud. And she likes dancing (with her cats....hehehehe). I used to think that was truly weird and used to make fun of her. Now, that I will have to spend Christmas alone and I'm far from my family at this time of the year, that used to be so magic and special for me, I miss it and I now know how happy it used to make me and that it was those silly things my mom does that would make the days preceeding Christmas so special.
I have fun memories from the time I was a kid... even though I already knew Santa didn't exist, my mom would still try to keep it alive for me and my brother. Also did my dad. That used to make it so special! I don't know, even though you know it's your mom and dad that put the presents there for you, when your parents try to make it as if it was Santa Claus, it makes it so cute and so special!
So, now, that I am alone, I keep remembering these little things. And this time of the year it is when it makes it harder for me to be far from home. To be far from my mom, grandma, brother, aunts, uncles and cousins...
So, as I started saying, I was truly scared of being alone on Christmas Eve. Last year, I felt really sad on that night. I was afraid it would happen again. And this time it would be even worse, because I don't even have a place to crash on that night. That would be just me and my girl friend.
Then I had an idea. Instead of thinking just about myself and how much I would like to be with my family, I decided to do something good to someone else. I already have a plan. So now I'm not scared anymore. That terrifying idea of being alone doesn't scare me anymore. I think that there must be a purpose in everything. There is a purpose on me being alone in a special date like this. I believe that it must be that I should learn something from that. And I decided I will. I think I should learn what things are really beneath all this X-mas thing. I kinda think I was looking at the wrong point to view. Now, I am trying to see it in another way, and that new way makes me feel happy again. It seems like I have found a new reason. Not that I will forget how beautiful it is with my family but, since I can't be there, I discovered a new way of living it beautifully. And I'm tryly grateful for this new lesson and for having been given the opportunity to learn it. Life is really good to me and I feel as I am really blessed.
Until a couple of days ago, I was scared. Scared of being alone on Christmas Eve. As I said last year, I realized that all I knew about Christmas and all the magic were due to my mother. She taught me Christmas and she kept the magic until the day I left. And then, in the second place, I learned that Christmas means my family for me. It is my bunch of cousins and aunts talking in the dinning room and my uncles talking about soccer in the living room, where my grandma puts the Christmas tree.
My mom would make the little recreation of Jesus's birth ( I don't know what name Americans give to it) and leave it in the dinning room. My grandma would spend the whole day cooking stuff for the night. My mom, too. And also my aunt Sueli. Then, a little near midnight, we would head to my aunt's house and wait for midnight there. Years ago, we used to go to the 2-hour-mass (we used to be Catholic), that would start at midnight.Well, not that we used to, but we did that once or twice, that I can remember.
Well, then, at my aunt's house, all the food would be taken to the big table and we would gather around it a little before midnight. At midnight, we would pray " O Pai Nosso" ( I have no idea what name it has in English, but it is that most famous prayer that Christians know). And then we would eat the meal. Then we would come back home and open presents. Then, in the morning of the 25th (almost noon, in my case), we would get up, enjoy our presents and head to my aunt's house, where we would have a big Christmas lunch. After I got older, I used to head to my friends/ boyfriend's families' house, after lunch.
The 24th would be much more exciting and the days before it, too. My mom likes listening to Christmas songs out loud. Very loud. And she likes dancing (with her cats....hehehehe). I used to think that was truly weird and used to make fun of her. Now, that I will have to spend Christmas alone and I'm far from my family at this time of the year, that used to be so magic and special for me, I miss it and I now know how happy it used to make me and that it was those silly things my mom does that would make the days preceeding Christmas so special.
I have fun memories from the time I was a kid... even though I already knew Santa didn't exist, my mom would still try to keep it alive for me and my brother. Also did my dad. That used to make it so special! I don't know, even though you know it's your mom and dad that put the presents there for you, when your parents try to make it as if it was Santa Claus, it makes it so cute and so special!
So, now, that I am alone, I keep remembering these little things. And this time of the year it is when it makes it harder for me to be far from home. To be far from my mom, grandma, brother, aunts, uncles and cousins...
So, as I started saying, I was truly scared of being alone on Christmas Eve. Last year, I felt really sad on that night. I was afraid it would happen again. And this time it would be even worse, because I don't even have a place to crash on that night. That would be just me and my girl friend.
Then I had an idea. Instead of thinking just about myself and how much I would like to be with my family, I decided to do something good to someone else. I already have a plan. So now I'm not scared anymore. That terrifying idea of being alone doesn't scare me anymore. I think that there must be a purpose in everything. There is a purpose on me being alone in a special date like this. I believe that it must be that I should learn something from that. And I decided I will. I think I should learn what things are really beneath all this X-mas thing. I kinda think I was looking at the wrong point to view. Now, I am trying to see it in another way, and that new way makes me feel happy again. It seems like I have found a new reason. Not that I will forget how beautiful it is with my family but, since I can't be there, I discovered a new way of living it beautifully. And I'm tryly grateful for this new lesson and for having been given the opportunity to learn it. Life is really good to me and I feel as I am really blessed.
posted by The Lady of the Lake at 12:20 PM
3 comments
