The man in the bus

The man left his home to go to work.
Crowded bus, 6AM, the trip will take about an hour and a half. Could be worse. Could be raining. Then we all could go swimming or drowning. Living in Sao Paulo, I don't know what is worse.

Sao Paulo. Cold in the winter, hot and damn humid in the summer. Still damn humid in the winter, too. So the man is in the bus, and everyone is very full of clothes because it's winter. The air is freaking polluted and it feels like you are a full-time passive smoker. The bus is warm inside and everyone starts to sweat, because it's freaking crowed. And our friend goes there, standing still, holding on, with that bitter sweet odor of warm pits smuggled together....

He is trying to earn life. Ex-inmate, it seems like he has a stamp on his face - "Ex-Inmate"? - go away. That's what's in people's faces and attitudes. He wants to try to live a decent life. Has one boy. 8 years old. Should be in school. He hopes the boy is attending class. At least to have something to eat for the day. Better than hangin out with all those kids, at Se Square. They always find a way to go downtown.

He starts yelling in the bus, trying to sell his "goodies". "One hand-crafted bracelet for a buck!" No one gives a shit. People throw him dirty looks. There is another guy trying to get some bucks by saying his kids had some deadly disease and he needs money for the medicine. He's met this dude in jail. He has no kids. But the heck. They all need to make ends meet, right?

Keep on rolling. Next bus. He hasn't made money enough for dinner yet. It's hard to keep far from the drugs and the alcohol. Drug money puts him food on the table. The boy's mom is far gone. Drunk. Disappeared one day. He heard she was in feminine jail. Who knows? Could've been killed in the rebellion last month. He doesn't care. But he cares about the boy. He doesn't want his kid to follow his steps, juvenile jail, crime, jail,crime, death.

End of the day, he goes home. Walking. He doesn't carry his 38 on him anymore. He doesn't want that life again. But he still keeps it. Life in a favela is not easy. You never know. If it's not the drug dealers, it's the police.
Gets home. Boy got shot. Police came down to the favela, angry. Some dealer killed a cop and they wanted revenge. They came shooting towards the houses where the drug dealers should be hanging. The boy was in one of the houses, ready to take a package out.

The man took his 38 out of the drawer.

Next day, in the police pages of the paper: " Man killed after shooting at police station and killing 5 ".
First page: "Sao Paulo Fashion Week is a tremendous success! Governor presence at event surprises organizers"

Let's getting rolling!

Let's roll!
Hehehhee
Literally.
After one month working, I can't move my ass up the stairs without heavy breathing like a dog. Running? Hahaha. That must be a joke. I sprang (or something that sounds like that) my little toe about 2 or 3 weeks ago and now I can't run. Anyway, I feel heavy anyways. So, who cares?

Pretty soon I will be able to go rolling down to work. That should be fun - at least I can save money on gas. And buy more food. Not that I need any more.... whatever.

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO ME???? I feel like shit

I am feeling awful. I had a lot of fun with Halloween (I always get a kick out of it), but I am feeling fat, tired and sad. I look at the mirror and feel fat. I have been eating soooo bad and exercising almost nothing, that now I feel like a fat pig. On Tuesday, when I tried to run, I ended up getting nausea and feeling sick to my stomack after running a mile. 1 mile! That's ridiculous. I feel soooo bad, you have no idea.
It's not only about image: it's about feeling like a trash can. I feel like I'm a trash can now. Yesterday I went to Ted's to get dinner. Of course, I ordered a vegetarian wet burrito plus a side of rice and another side of beans. Detail: the fucking burrito already comes with rice and beans. The burrito was HUGE and so were the sides. Obviously, like a fat cow as I am, I ate all the burrito and the rice and beans. Plus Diet Coke. 2. I didn't eat the sides (thank God), but I ate them today (and now I feel like shit). Ok. Not satisfied yet (mentally, because my stomach was already stuffed), I ate a cupcake, a lot of chocolate and pop corn. Of course, I went to bed as full as a bday ballon.
Today, I had a lot of cereal. Good stuff. But then I filled myself up with a lot of coffee (which made me shake like ... I don't know. It made me shake a lot) and got me hyper. Then I ate the left over rice and beans (which weren't left overs at all, because I didn't even touch them yesterday). As full as one can be, I wasn't satisfied yet. I had to get some more. And I got more chocolate. Done. I was feeling sick to my stomach again. My plans to go run went down the sink. Well, I would run about 2.5 miles again, since my body has been so shitty that I can't even do my average 4 miles. Doing 2.5 almost killed me yesterday. That is so ridiculous.
I gotta do something. I feel weak. I tried to do some strength training, with my new bands. Couldn't even look at them, midway during the abs. I started the abs and slacked completely on the form. Lost the form, and barely made to the end of the series, which were ridiculously short compared to what I was used to do.
When I remember those times last year that I would spend 3 hours straight working out at the gym, I feel like crap.
Now I have a huge tummy and, if I don't take VERY good care, I will have double chin pretty soon.
WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO MEEEEEEE??????????