How does one choose a career?

Same old story: you go to college, take some general education classes but in the end you don't know what you want to do as a career. What is more important: to do something you like but you already know that your chances of a nice salary will be always scanty or to do something you KINDA like but you know that your chances of financial success are quite high (despite the economy)?

Here's my "friend"'s dilemma: she is good at writing (or THINK she is); she has an analytical mind and likes paperwork as well. She is curious and loves almost everything, from science and technology to arts, film, music and fiction writing. She is not as good at math, but she is quite good at biology and chemistry (and she likes both). She likes research and the academic world. She is super organized and very good with her deadlines. She also likes sports and nutrition and fitness. She is upbeat and hyperactive. She loves politics but hates getting anxious and nervous. She doesn't like arguing. She is good at preparing arguments when she has the time to analyze the situation. She is good at details and picking up on loopholes. You can give your paperwork for her to review. She has good grammar but bad mathematical logic. She doesn't like blood (she can't be a doctor).

Here's her "background": she has worked in a newspaper. She liked it. She learned about how scanty the pay is for journalists. She learned that journalism is a career you undertake out of love only, because the hours are long, vacations are short, and the pay is even shorter, when you are lucky enough to have a job (because editorials are shrinking).

Everybody tells her she would make a good lawyer. But she doesn't know if she will love Law. Or if she will even like it. She thinks she might make a good lawyer, too. She thinks she might like Law. But she is not sure. She has been to college 4 times now and never graduated because she never knows what she wants to do. For most of her life, she wanted to be a filmmaker and an actress/writer. But she realized she doesn't have any talent to act, and she is not driven enough to be a filmmaker. But she believes she is a good writer and has some good ideas and writes with her heart. But she can't finish anything. She just can't finish any of her fiction works. She doesn't want to do it wrong again.

So she is thinking about Law. Her biggest concern is to be happy with her profession and be able to have a comfortable life. She doesn't want to struggle every month to make ends meet, for the rest of her life. But she doesn't want to sacrifice happiness for money. She wants to be happy.

How is my friend going to solve her life puzzle???

Thanks for any ideas or suggestions (please don't send criticism - she is already super hyper critical of herself...).

PS: Telling her to play the lottery doesn't count. She has already tried this one...lol

Afro Samurai - Review of the movie, the series and the game website (video of the game in the end)

Samurai...Afro??? Yeap. In Japan, in a time that nobody knows, a kid sees his father be beheaded right in front of his eyes. His father's head rolls to his toes, amidst his tears and the image of the assassin. And the headband #1.

It begins.

Afro Samurai, AKA simply "Afro", follows a path of hate, pain and death in search for the headband #2, which will allow him to kill the assassin of this father, under the samurai code he bounds by.

The Art style is definitely something very different from the regular "anime" style; it is more like watching a comic book in action. It's like Tarantino meets Frank Miller. With Samuel L. Jackson's voice (he does "Afro" and "Ninja Ninja").

At first I was amazed by the Art; the editing and the cuts got me hooked right away. But the story left me with a feeling that there was "something missing". This "something missing" was fullfiled today, when I watched the continuation, "Afro Samurai - Resurrection".

But first things first. Afro Samurai is NOT cute. He is not the nicest guy in town either. He "has blood in his eyes": whoever messes with him ends up in half. But, despite all the killings he's done in the name of revenge, he still can keep the value of friendship, although in a twisted way.

The soundtrack, by RZA, keeps your heart pumping. The fast editing makes your mind feel like in a rush, while your eyes are charmed with violent, crude, raw art.

I keep coming back to the Art: I'm impressed. It looks simple most of the time; sometimes even almost like a sketch. Yet powerful, strong. The message gets through.

The characters seem motivated simply by revenge and hate, but I guess this is part of that universe. What bothered me is that many people would die not to give away the headband#2, although some of these people were giving Afro a "lecture" of how unimportant the headband was and how stupid it was to kill and die for it. And still, they weren't willing to give it out and walk away!!! So, terrible contraction between the dialogue and the action. It would be ok if they weren't "lecturing" about how worth it was to die for the headband.

PS: Oh, and THERE ARE sex scenes both in the series and in the movie!!! Not exactly a "kids cartoon"....

GAME WEBSITE
IT BEGINS... AGAIN

Stylish. Just as the movie.

The website is visually very attractive and it keeps faithful to the feeling of the movie. It's very functional and the navigation menus are really creative. Although it's an awesome website from the visual point of view, it seems like they are still working on the content, that doesn't have all the characters in the movie/series, and the description of "Ninja Ninja" is not very accurate.

There is a feature I hadn't seen in a website yet: as you move your mouse around the screen, the cursor takes a different form and a "floating" navigation bar follows on top of your cursor, indicating another section of the website, that you can visit if you dare to click the left-button of your mouse. I liked that. Different.

What's cool about it? I allows you to create your own remix, a music video of the game/movie: you can choose scenes, add your own music or use the soundtrack, make the cuts, extend or shorten shots.... super cool. You can be the Michel Gondry of the Afro Samurai world! Cheesy, I know. But still, this feature is awesome. (Keep posted: I'm working on my remix version of Afro Samurai!!!)

Game Art... well, the preview of the game seems ok. They don't show much, so you can't actually tell how the game will "feel like" when you play it. But the Art is not as cool as it is in the movie/series. But that would be expected, since the game is based on the series. The game is offered for the XBox 360, XBox Live (I have this one!) and PS3.

Gamespot.com seemed to like it, although they say the pace could be better, falling into monotony sometimes. The combat seems really cool and, among other things, you can slow down time. Here's what Gamespot says:" (...) the resulting mix of old-fashioned button mashing and focus-powered slaughter is satisfying and fun. "

For a video of the game,

For the website, go to http://www.bloodisbeautiful.com/index2.html

My First short movie

East and West

They met in high school: he, crazy, long haired, talkative, different. She, beautiful, quiet, shy, sensitive. He, from the East, and her, from the West.

They saw each other for the first time. He was immediately interested in her. She, not so much. But he was persistent. He would send her flowers, love notes, messages through friends. One day she said yes. And they started seeing each other.

He was communicative, joyful and loved talking to people. She was introspective and thoughtful. He was always surrounded by other girls, who found him very interesting, with his peculiar appearance, long spiked hair and bell bottom pants. She was beautiful with her micro-skirts and long, silky dark hair, surrounded by her girlfriends or alone, with her daisies and her cats, dreaming.

He worked very hard to pay for his studies, since very early in age. Her father paid for her studies until she finished college. He graduated in Engineering and she graduated in Arts.

They loved going for long rides, into the countryside, without destination, without time to return. Then the first baby girl arrived. And, with her, the life of moving.

But times started to get hard. His ghosts from the past started pressuring further and further and, in his fragile composition, he started to become susceptible.

Then the baby boy came. More moving.

She started to become more and more alone. He started to have a bright career, but his ghosts wouldn't leave him alone. Soon enough, his ghosts became her ghosts, too.

And the ghosts starting consuming him, eating him alive. She would try it all to bring him back, but he was dying each day more and more. And their love began to break apart, among tears, blood and hurt.

One day he decided to go back to the East, to find the soul he had so long lost. She accepted, having now two little bags to care for, all by herself. Although very small in complexion, she was enormous in strength, and both of them she carried on her back.

He didn't find his soul. And the ghosts finally finished eating him up. And she was alone.

But love is bigger than pain and hurt and it survives, through forgiveness.

Years passed by. She knew she had to forgive him so he could go. But she never had the chance to say good-bye.

So one day he came back.
They were young again. He was at the top of a green hill, looking at her and smiling. In his eyes, she could feel love. In her heart, she felt peace. She forgave him. And, smiling, he waved good-bye to her for the last time.

Lucy's first kiss

Every day, on the way home back from school,
looking up at the starry sky,
Lucy would walk thinking about the kiss
He would, one day, give her.

In the bloom of her 15 years
with her long dark hair swinging from side to side on her back
and ten books in her thin arms
she could taste the kiss she had never had.

In her memories, sunny days
when he would walk up the hill
and her eyes would follow him
since he disappeared
among the old trees.

Days in which she would follow him
From the distance
Observing each step
Each maneirism
Singing for loving ears
that would not hear her.

Lucy saw him the first time
crossing the patio
on her very last day at that school

Her mouth opened in shock
And her many books fell to her feet
As he passed,
Slowly,
Sensually,
As if knowing to be admired.

In the tender of her 14 years
she felt the bitter sweet cut
and the bells toll
and she got dizzy
and she ran away

In the sweetness of her 15 years
she had already the taste of passion
in her virgin lips

Singing love songs alone
Making promises to the stars
Dreaming of a sensation
Unknown to her

In those clear blue eyes
A smart sparkle of youth
In the sensual smile
a dash of mischief

And Lucy,
Scared and in love
with shaking legs
and sweaty hands
Finally came close to him

And when his cold clear blue eyes
met her warm innocent dark brown eyes
she felt like falling
and words fell from her mouth
scattering around

And as he walked away
Poor Lucy's heart
was a mistake

And every day
She would follow him
Crying
Singing
Dreaming

Til one day
he finally looked at Lucy
with her long dark hair
and dreamy shiny dark brown eyes

This time
She didn't walk home alone
with books and stars

This time
In her hand
she held his

This time
She didn't follow him
through the trees
til he disappeared

This time
before she even took notice
her books were falling from her arms
As he held her in his.

And, under the big trees
Warmth flooded her soul
Like a river carrying her body away
As her heart slowly melted away...

Stick People

Stick woman stands in the pink room. In her stick face, a smile that is not stick at all. And pumping through her stick body, a heart, that is not stick at all.

Stick woman sits, waiting. In her stick body without veins, her bloody flows fast in excitement. What is she waiting for?

She is waiting for stick man.

Stick man enters the room. For a moment, there is a smile on his face that is not stick at all. And a heart pumping out of his stick body, that is not stick at all either.

Stick woman stands up and her not-stick heart pumps so fast it seems it's gonna jump out of her stick body. She walks towards stick man, with her smile and her heart.

But all of a sudden, the pink room starts to change. The pink walls start to bleed and soon the pink room is all red. Each step she takes towards stick man, the walls change the color, getting darker and darker.

She feels her heart hurting and she worries about stick man. And she tries to run to him. And as she runs, his smile starts to change into wood. It woodens and woodens and woodens. And so does his heart.

When she finally gets to him, the walls bleed black. And it's all dark. And stick man's smile is hard wood. And so is his heart.

Stick woman cries and takes her heart (that is still a heart) in her hands and gives it to stick man.

And stick man, with his wooden smile, takes her heart in his wooden hands and eats it.

True Colors

But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful





___________________________________________________________________
I found this writing another day. It belongs to a piece I wrote on Jan. 29th, 2007, called "Beautiful".


"Like my beautiful blue butterfly, that spreads light and bright and colors wherever she goes, some people have this same capacity. Whatever they touch, it turns into something bright and beautiful. Maybe it's just a reflection of their beautiful souls. I like calling them "Colors" in my mind. (...)."

The Immigrant Nightmare

I don't know if I'll be able to keep on going. I feel trapped, in a cage, no where to turn around. I know it sounds dramatic, but that is how I feel.
I know I am an immigrant. IMMIGRANT. That means things are gonna be difficult and I don't know for how long.
I feel like I was running a marathon, a long and difficult one, in Death Valley in the summer. I don't know if I can make to the end. And it makes it even harder when your manager doesn't help you.
I am talking about my job. How much I hate it and how much I have to suck it in and shut up. I don't shut up completely: I tell my husband and family how much I hate it. But that is all.

I dread to go to work and everyday, EVERY DAY, I come back home angry, frustrated and depressed. I hate my job. I hate having to suck it up. I just came back from work now. You can tell.

Even when the day is not awful, every time I have to talk to my manager about something that is how it makes me feel: like shit. That is how it makes me feel. Yes, I AM angry and HIGHLY FRUSTRATED.

I gotta keep going. I gotta. You know those last miles, the most difficult ones, when you can barely breathe and don't feel your legs ok anymore and you think you'll have a heart attack if you take one more step? That is how I feel about going to my work. I look at the clock all the time. I dread for the moment of balancing my box and going away.

I feel like I'm drowing. I gotta learn to swim.

I must go back to school and I must learn something that will give me the chance to work in something more pleasant than what I do.

Every day. One more. Just one more day. Just one more hour. Break. A break in the nightmare, a short elevator ride out of hell. For 10 minutes, I search in my brain for a way to escape. Unsuccessfully, I take the ride down to hell and wait for my other break, lunch time. Then I have 1 whole hour to live and breathe and try to find a way out. Then back to hell. Even when I think it's gone, when I go home, it still lingers in me, the knowledge that I will have to be there tomorrow again. And one more day. And another day. And another. Feels like eternity.

Now I know what my Beta fish felt like when he died in pooey water (because I forgot to change the water for a week) : suffocated by shit and uncapable of running away. Poor Beta. I feel you now, buddy.

Movie of the day: The New Barbarians

Movie of today's Bad Movie Night was "The New Barbarians". It was really barbaric that movie... but at least it was one of the funniest so far. Unfortunately I haven't seen "For your Height" yet.

While watching the movie, I was trying to identify the reasons they failed in making a fairly decent movie. In the end, I had already given up: too many problems.

Let's start with the costume design: Jesus Christ, what was that??? I wonder who designed their clothes - they were absurdly awful and very, very cheesy. That made our audience vibrate.
The bad guys' outfit was white with exaggerated shoulder pads. When the camera moved closer to the costume, it was possible to see that the black stripes on their clothes were not more than black tape (yeah, black scotch tape!). Not to mention some characters' plastic clothes and the main female character's minimalist suit (lower part was an old style bikini and top was nothing but a cape).
The overall design was just of very bad taste. One can see that the production was on a budget and they used whatever cheap material they could get their hands on.

Production Design: as bad as Costume Design. Visible budget issues. They seemed not to care about realism at all. The cars used looked like golf carts; in some scenes where they perforated another car you could see it was only a metal sheet. You could even see foil paper in many of the sets (being used to MAKE the set). I understand that when in a budget you gotta use cheap materials, but why not to try to make them a little more realistic? This is also the director of photography's fault: he should've chosen a better angle to film it and make sure he wouldn't get a close up that would show what shouldn't be realized: that what was supposed to be hard metal was just foil paper.

Direction of Photography and Lighting: OMG! Seems like our cinematographer here didn't read even the first chapter of "Painting with Light", because if he did, he would know that his type of lighting was very wrong and made no sense. No beauty, no definition of time (you can't situate well what time of the day it was) and no sense of use of the lighting equipment (lights in the background were too strong for the scene - objects, props and people were not being well lit either and the high illumination in the back sometimes would even bother the eyes). I admit I know nothing about it, but I believe that he probably used a "Brute" all the time (well, I don't know if that would be current name for this type of light or if they are still being used) in the background light. There is one scene I can mention now: there is this small hill and a bush on top of it. It is daylight, but the light is so bright in the background it seems like you're looking straight into a strong lamp, a doctor's lamp or something alike.
Some of the shots were very bad in terms of angles, too. Can't remember a specific example right now.

Screenplay: this might be the worst of all. Or maybe the second worst, being the direction the worst of all.
The dialogues were weak; the story didn't make much sense. There are no explanations of what happened, where they are, who are those people, anything. The plot is very confusing.

Special Effects: what were those guns???? Lasers? What about the explosions????? What the f... was that????

Sound: saying that the sound of the movie was bad because the movie is old is not fair to the good old movies. The sound in this movie is bad because it was bad done. This is purely a bad, bad job. Microfone? I don't know. I don't understand about sound yet, but it clearly was a problem in the direction of sound. Voices were too low, it was difficult to know what they were talking about, kind of "clouded", if it's possible to know what I mean.

But, in the end, we all had a good time and a lot of fun laughing at this unfortunate production!

When Lucy went partying - Part III

Lucy met a new friend in the green lands. It was a weird boy, who looked like a boy but at the same time looked like a girl. Lucy wasn't sure if he was a boy or a girl. His (or her?) name was Angel.
This person was passing by under the tree where Lucy was, when she dropped an orange on his head, while attempting to move around on the branch. She wanted to analyze the area better.
'Hey!"
'Oh, I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?'
'Yes, but it's ok. What are you doing on the tree, girl?'
'Oh, I was dropped here by a paper plane.'
'Oh.'
'Seriously! But, let me get down here so I don't drop anything else on you.'
A moment later, Lucy was down. 'What's your name?', she asked.
'Angel'. 'I'm Lucy', she said, but didn't want to ask her new friend if he was a he or if she was a she.
'I'm going to a party, near here. Would you like to come?', Angel invited.
'Well.... oh, well! Why not?'
And that's how Lucy ended up in the paint and cupcakes party.
They got in a house, with a round roof and lots of flowers all around the house and hanging on its walls. There was a lot of paint marks on the outside and many hoses. Each hose was in a different color.
All the guests were supposed to pick a color and get a "shot" of paint from the hose. Lucy chose the purple/pink/blueish hose.
Inside, there were cupcakes everywhere. Of all colors. Lucy ate one. At the first bite, she felt like she was falling down, into the deep blue sky, falling through the clouds. That was the "falling-into-the-blue-sky cupcake".
Then she got an orange one and bit it. She felt an explosion of energy and felt like jumping and kicking and playing the drums and screaming. That was the "orange energy cupcake".
Next was the yellow cupcake. She felt happy all of a sudden. She felt like she could touch the air and it felt like the air was as soft as silk and she was so happy that she wanted to sing and dance and hug everyone.
And people were all eating cupcakes and playing games, ball, dancing, singing. It was an awesome party!
But there were no older people around....
Anyways, in the end there was a shower of shiny bits of stars. They called it the "rainy stars" because they rain over those people from the greenish land.
Lucy met the owner of the party at the end of the party. This girl had purple eyes!!! Her name was Felicity and she told Lucy where the next town was, but that she would have to be careful, because the path to the lake was dangerous and, if she was unlucky enough, she could meet Angr, the dragon. She gave Lucy a pink marble and told her that, if she ever met the dragon, the pink marble would protect her.
And so Lucy went on on her quest.

Music and Writing

Beatles save the day again!
I can't possibly explain enough how much good it does to me to listen to songs and write. Write! Music!
I don't know what would be of my life without music and writing.

Lucy in the sky and the paper plane - Part II

In her quest for the lost mirror, Lucy found herself in a very dangerous trap; the enemy was sneaky and she didn't see it. All of a sudden, she had fallen into an abyss, so dark and so deep one could throw a rock inside and not to listen to it hitting the ground.
But when Lucy thought all was lost and she had failed, this paper plane came by and caught her in her fall. It was small and very light, and it could barely support Lucy's weight. But it caught her and saved her from a very dread death.
It flew with her in its back, up and up and up in the abyss.
'Where do you come from?', Lucy wanted to know. Who threw that plane in there? She would've never ever thought a paper plane would one day save her from a deep abyss.
The paper plane didn't answer, just flew. Flew, flew, flew. Then she started to see the light coming from outside the abyss.
And they kept flying up and up and higher and higher.
And then they were in the sky, in the very blue sky. The abyss was far behind and Lucy could see all, all the lands and green and lakes and all the world seemed beautiful again, from outside the dark deep abyss.
The paper plane flew by a beautiful tree and dropped Lucy on a branch. She didn't have the chance to say more. The plane took over and flew away.
Now Lucy was in this very green place. Where now?

Nowhere man and me

There was this man that came by one day. It was a normal day, with blue skies and birds singing and I was just sitting around, on a bench, under a tree.
He just sat by my side. In his face, wrinkles showed that those eyes had already probably seen much, even though they didn't see anything anymore.
He turned to me and said, 'hi'
And i said, 'hi'.
Then he looked at me not really looking and told me from nowhere. He came from there. And I felt peace.
He didn't have a penny. He didn't have a house. He didn't even have sight. But he saw much more than you and me.
I asked him to tell me where nowhere was, because now that was where I wanted to go. But he told me I couldn't go there.
He just gave me a broken compass and told me that it would take me where I should be.
And he stood up and walked away.
And then I stayed there, incapable of getting up, trying to find a cane to help me through my blindness.

FINALLY UNDERSTOOD

More than 10 years ago, I had a teacher. It was a short class, only a month. I was only 16 or 17, full of dreams, ideals, ideas and energy. The years hadn't consumed it yet by that time, and I used to think everything was possible to those who believed. But that is not what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about this teacher, who used to finish all the classes with a specific song, that was very dear for him. I never understood why that song was so important to him. Today I finally understood.

He did some wonderful in that small theater from that stupid city I come from. There was something alive there. He was trying to do something substantial there. And when I went to him full of dreams he didn't naysay me. Instead, he introduced me to some ideas. But I didn't do it. I could blame everyone and everything, but the only one to be blamed for is me.

But, back to that teacher, his classes had a soul, a certain thing that is difficult to explain in words, you gotta feel it; they got together more than 100 young people, most of them teenagers, and we got that feeling of sincerity, heart, solidariety. I don't know. There was a bounding feeling there and that feeling was motivated and started by that teacher.

And I can understand today a little bit of the heart of those classes; not completely, of course, since he was a very complex person, like all people are. But a little bit of what he wanted to teach us, of what he wanted us to learn. And it wasn't about theater. It was more than that. It was to keep that feeling alive, the feeling of change, the energy you find in young people to change things, the desire to change. Because as years come by the system smashes you and you forget all about that. You become massified, on more can in the shelf. And that was what he didn't want us to become. Just like the people we were against. Just everything we hated. Because unfortunately, if you don't observe yourself very closely, that will happen. You will end up becoming what you never wanted to be. What is easier, what is "doable". What is "sensible".
He just wanted to let that thing go into us, in our minds, to keep our youth alive, our energy, our ideals.
That is, maybe, why he always put that same song in the end. He had us all get together as much as we could, in a circle, and hold each other's hands. And listen to that song. And today, after listening to it carefully, I could tell why.

This beautiful person tried until the end of his life to bring Art into the life of my city. The city became uglier after he left us. The theatrical movements sort of died. He fought for the life of theater there. There isn't a city theater anymore after he was gone. You pass by it and it is dead.

He died of Aids a few years ago.

ROMARIA

There was this pair of dark eyes
I used to look at
Long long time ago

In these eyes I saw hope
I saw deep deep inside
I saw promises

That kept me going
That felt safe and right

But these eyes went away
And I didn't follow them
They said they'd come back
They never did

Now I roam around
Looking everywhere
Trying to find

I'm afraid they took the long road
The one that never comes back

I'm afraid I will never see them

Their memory lingers inside of me
And I still can feel the warmth coming out of
Those eyes

Maybe they went
Where they had to
Where I can't follow them

Or maybe I just missed
The road

Lucy in the sky in the quest for the lost mirror

One day Lucy had a dream. In her dream, she was flying on the wings of beautiful bird, over lands and oceans, towards the Land of Those Who Never Return. She had to find something. But then, when she woke up, she didn't know what it was that she had to find.
So Lucy went walk by the sea, to think about things better. And when the sun started to go down, a beautiful indian came out of the waters and walked toward her. He stopped and stared.
"Lucy, you must go to the Land of Those Who Never Return to find a treasure that has been waiting for you. It's time to go now. You will face monsters that can devour your soul, but if you find the silver mirror, you'll have protection. This mirror was blessed by the Mother of the Oceans and it'll protect you against everything."
(TO BE CONTINUED)

Fading

Sometimes life is funny....how do you get to transit from one life to another that is absolutely the opposite? Looking back it feels like I've lived 10 thousand different lives....but still the body is the same. I mean it feels like I was 10 different persons and none of them is here anymore. The only thing here is still the "bottle", the "container", the body.

It is weird... where are all those people? It's just like grains of sand... one day they're there and the other...pufff. Nothing else. It's all gone.

I look at the mirror today and wonder who'll be there in a year.

But anger is always there. It never goes away. Everything else changes, fades....

For one moment, I could get a glimpse of myself. And I liked it. But it faded and I never saw it again.

The man in the bus

The man left his home to go to work.
Crowded bus, 6AM, the trip will take about an hour and a half. Could be worse. Could be raining. Then we all could go swimming or drowning. Living in Sao Paulo, I don't know what is worse.

Sao Paulo. Cold in the winter, hot and damn humid in the summer. Still damn humid in the winter, too. So the man is in the bus, and everyone is very full of clothes because it's winter. The air is freaking polluted and it feels like you are a full-time passive smoker. The bus is warm inside and everyone starts to sweat, because it's freaking crowed. And our friend goes there, standing still, holding on, with that bitter sweet odor of warm pits smuggled together....

He is trying to earn life. Ex-inmate, it seems like he has a stamp on his face - "Ex-Inmate"? - go away. That's what's in people's faces and attitudes. He wants to try to live a decent life. Has one boy. 8 years old. Should be in school. He hopes the boy is attending class. At least to have something to eat for the day. Better than hangin out with all those kids, at Se Square. They always find a way to go downtown.

He starts yelling in the bus, trying to sell his "goodies". "One hand-crafted bracelet for a buck!" No one gives a shit. People throw him dirty looks. There is another guy trying to get some bucks by saying his kids had some deadly disease and he needs money for the medicine. He's met this dude in jail. He has no kids. But the heck. They all need to make ends meet, right?

Keep on rolling. Next bus. He hasn't made money enough for dinner yet. It's hard to keep far from the drugs and the alcohol. Drug money puts him food on the table. The boy's mom is far gone. Drunk. Disappeared one day. He heard she was in feminine jail. Who knows? Could've been killed in the rebellion last month. He doesn't care. But he cares about the boy. He doesn't want his kid to follow his steps, juvenile jail, crime, jail,crime, death.

End of the day, he goes home. Walking. He doesn't carry his 38 on him anymore. He doesn't want that life again. But he still keeps it. Life in a favela is not easy. You never know. If it's not the drug dealers, it's the police.
Gets home. Boy got shot. Police came down to the favela, angry. Some dealer killed a cop and they wanted revenge. They came shooting towards the houses where the drug dealers should be hanging. The boy was in one of the houses, ready to take a package out.

The man took his 38 out of the drawer.

Next day, in the police pages of the paper: " Man killed after shooting at police station and killing 5 ".
First page: "Sao Paulo Fashion Week is a tremendous success! Governor presence at event surprises organizers"

Let's getting rolling!

Let's roll!
Hehehhee
Literally.
After one month working, I can't move my ass up the stairs without heavy breathing like a dog. Running? Hahaha. That must be a joke. I sprang (or something that sounds like that) my little toe about 2 or 3 weeks ago and now I can't run. Anyway, I feel heavy anyways. So, who cares?

Pretty soon I will be able to go rolling down to work. That should be fun - at least I can save money on gas. And buy more food. Not that I need any more.... whatever.

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO ME???? I feel like shit

I am feeling awful. I had a lot of fun with Halloween (I always get a kick out of it), but I am feeling fat, tired and sad. I look at the mirror and feel fat. I have been eating soooo bad and exercising almost nothing, that now I feel like a fat pig. On Tuesday, when I tried to run, I ended up getting nausea and feeling sick to my stomack after running a mile. 1 mile! That's ridiculous. I feel soooo bad, you have no idea.
It's not only about image: it's about feeling like a trash can. I feel like I'm a trash can now. Yesterday I went to Ted's to get dinner. Of course, I ordered a vegetarian wet burrito plus a side of rice and another side of beans. Detail: the fucking burrito already comes with rice and beans. The burrito was HUGE and so were the sides. Obviously, like a fat cow as I am, I ate all the burrito and the rice and beans. Plus Diet Coke. 2. I didn't eat the sides (thank God), but I ate them today (and now I feel like shit). Ok. Not satisfied yet (mentally, because my stomach was already stuffed), I ate a cupcake, a lot of chocolate and pop corn. Of course, I went to bed as full as a bday ballon.
Today, I had a lot of cereal. Good stuff. But then I filled myself up with a lot of coffee (which made me shake like ... I don't know. It made me shake a lot) and got me hyper. Then I ate the left over rice and beans (which weren't left overs at all, because I didn't even touch them yesterday). As full as one can be, I wasn't satisfied yet. I had to get some more. And I got more chocolate. Done. I was feeling sick to my stomach again. My plans to go run went down the sink. Well, I would run about 2.5 miles again, since my body has been so shitty that I can't even do my average 4 miles. Doing 2.5 almost killed me yesterday. That is so ridiculous.
I gotta do something. I feel weak. I tried to do some strength training, with my new bands. Couldn't even look at them, midway during the abs. I started the abs and slacked completely on the form. Lost the form, and barely made to the end of the series, which were ridiculously short compared to what I was used to do.
When I remember those times last year that I would spend 3 hours straight working out at the gym, I feel like crap.
Now I have a huge tummy and, if I don't take VERY good care, I will have double chin pretty soon.
WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO MEEEEEEE??????????

New stuff - check me out!

So, here I am again.... full of semi-projects (or you can call "full of shit"; in my case, it works the same...)

Just a quick note to remind me later of my new future non-accomplished ideas. First, I'm working my ass off to try to learn some web design. Yeah. I'm now into the computer stuff, too. It finally got me. And the shit is cool, actually ( I never thought I would one day hear myself saying so... I also never thought I would ever spend 40 hours straight playing videogame either).

Anyways, the idea is something that popped into my mind when I started getting some spam email about an English to Portuguese students website. I thought: "If I taught for 5 damn years, why don't I put some shit online to make life a little easier for students when they face 'real' English?". So my idea was to make my first website a kinda friendly site with tips on how people speak here, on the West Coast. Slangs, funny expressions, words you can't use while babysitting (because if you're Brazilian, you'll be either doing that or cleaning someone else's toilets. Or maybe you're lucky and you'll be delivering pizza!).

Ok. Don't take me bad. I'd rather be scrubbing someone else's shit off their toilets than be sitting on mine (toilet, please) just for lack of something better to do. Well, at least until Halo 3 comes out! Hahahahhahaa

Well, that is idea number 1. I mean, if the library doesn't get the Immigration after me for 3 months of overdue books.... (yep. I read slowly). Oops! they can't! hahaha I can't work but they can't kick my ass out of here either! Suck it up, suckers! I'll keep on overduing my damn books!

Well ( I don't have any better starter), idea #2 would be work on a cooking website. Or at least upload some new recipes on my cooking blog. Or a poetry web site. Or both. I would like also to create a film review website, but for that I need a little more knowledge (and sense).

Idea #3: write some new stuff (novels, scrips etc). I have the idea, but the laziness takes over me and I feel like "the dude" (if you don't know what the fuck that is, go rent some old comedies. That's all I can tell - move your ass towards something!) - meaning I don't feel like taking them out of my head and into the screen. But the project is there. Just waiting for me to move my fucking lazy ass off the chair.

idea #4 : this one is a ghost from the past; it's that damn good book I read when I was a teenager and always wanted to make it into a play and... guess: act it. The thing is: it's a monologue.

idea #5: get my already known fucking lazy ass moving and get the 8mm and do something with my life (for those who don't know, an 8 mm is an old type of camcorder, not a gun. Suckers.).

idea #6: film my damn new character with my digital camera and upload it on YouTube.

idea #7: Go to a cool Starbucks and watch people and write. Yeah. Write.

idea #8: take back the drawing classes and fucking draw something decent once and for all (no more giant penis attacking innocent vaginas.). PS: this was a joke. But drawing something cool wasn't.


Done with the ideas. Oh, I forgot one more: come back to hurting everyone's ears around me with my harmonica.

Yeah! Now I'm done! Nine more reasons to be frustrated in the future!


PS: Forgive-me. I've been unemployed for almost 6 months and my only companion (the voices in my head don't count) the whole day is a crabby fat kitty who doesn't want huggies.

PS 2: This post is to be funny. Did you laugh? If you did, drop me a note. If you didn't, just don't say anything.

...but I'm hoping I'll get a note...;P

Lost, lost lost

Lost!!!!

I have spent the whole day in front of the computer trying to figure out what are the options I have for my life. You know, I used to think that I would be an actress, but it is not going to work (don't try to convince me of the contrary!), so now I gotta find out something else to do.

I'm so lost!
I decided to post this here with the hope that someone will have some suggestions for me... I'll start by saying what I like.

Ok, so I like images, colors and texts. But I like doing my own texts. I just love textures and colors.
I love creating, but I think I would do better making characters in the computer rather than creating them (I think I don't have talent for that). I love animation and documentaries, but I also love normal movies. Ok, it doesn't help much, does it?

Yes, I like office work. No, I don't like working on the weekends (but if I have a cool job that requires so, I'm fine with that).

I think editing is awesome, both in animation and in movies. A lot of work, but still awesome. You give the movie the tone and it makes a hell lot of difference.

I like artistic photography. I love National Geographic's photos. But I don't think I want to be a pro photographer. I don't know. Let's leave this one in open.

I would love to do Journalism, because of the idealism of it. But I already went to Journalism school for time enough to realize that the idealism that takes you there doesn't exist in your everyday basis, because you normally will have to report to the editor and write whatever the director or newspaper's owner wants you to. And also it is extremely stressing and you don't get well paid. And you work weekends and holidays. Definitely a no.

I love writing. But I don't want to make my living on writing books. I definitely want to write a book (or many), but as a hobby, not as a career. And it's lonely. I want to have co-workers. My life in the US showed me that I'm not the type to work at home. I like cool environments. I think my husband has an awesome job (actually, he has the most awesome job ever. I've never met anyone with a job more awesome than his!). Ok, this doesn't have much to do with the beginning of the paragraph, but... who cares? This is my diary anyway! (online, but still a diary).

So.... I was wondering around Filmmaking and Animation.... then you will ask me: what in it do I want to do? Heck. I don't know. I'm leaning towards Screenwriting and Editing, in Film and, in Animation, I think I would like to make the characters in the computer, to work on the story (writing and stuff), to make the models in clay or something similar and put their images into the computer, animate them, do the coloring and texturing.... I think this would be an awesome job!!!

Now, how do I know which one I want to work on????????????????????????????????

Things that I DO NOT WANT TO DO ANYMORE:

1- Babysitting (at any age - keep them far away from me!!!!!!!)
2- Selling stuff (whatever it is)
3-Teaching English
4- Working on saturday morning
5- Working early morning (say, at 6 or 7 AM EVERY FUCKING DAY!)
6- Cleaning

The day I turned into a leaf

... and then, one day, I was turned into a leaf. I just woke up and my body wasn't what it had always been: I didn't have any arms or legs and my long hair was gone. I was yellowish-brown and light. So light that the wind took me into his hands and we flew...

We flew over the lands. Sometimes it was slow. Sometimes it was fast. When he was excited, we would do loops and turns and everything would be upside down and it was so beautiful and fun! When he was tired, he would put down on the ground, with his gentle hands, so he wouldn't break me. And then up again.

And I could see the people and the Earth. I could see the people crying and laughing, mourning and celebrating. I saw Life starting and I saw Death coming. I saw babies turning into children, turning into teens and then adults and then old and then dying. I saw how fragile Life is. Animals, bug, nature and people. All with something in common: everybody wants to be loved. The wind taught me about life and about being alive.

My body would fly and I had no stopping place. Every place was my place. I didn't belong to a tree or to anywhere. I belonged everywhere. My spirit was free and I was being dissolved into the world. Little by little. And I learned about the Cycle of Life. The wind, gently put my last piece down on the same place to took me up, long ago. And I learned the ultimate lesson: that the beauty of being here is the fact that we one day won't be here anymore and, for that, all we have is the love and the moments we share with other living beings. The time we spent with them while we were all here. And then one day, the wind will take our last piece into the air. And we will be gone. But the love we spread will remain. Love is all that really matters.

Pieces of people

People are like pieces
Pieces of clay
pieces of paper
pieces of hope
Just pieces

People need other pieces
to stay together
sometimes the pieces don't fit
sometimes they do
sometimes just for a while

Pieces of heart go
and come
Pieces of dreams
end and re-start

Pieces of attention
fall like seeds
in our thirsty hearts
Growing
Bringing joy

Pieces of you and me
and everybody else
We can't be just one
'Cause we are people
and we are made to be pieced together.

The Little Girl in the Jar

The little girl
started out like any other girl
just a little different

she was started
with a piece of fabric and
old buttons
one blue, one brown
some yarn
did the hair
and cotton balls
filled her fragile body.

with her new eyes
and her chest without a heart
she looked
and felt
the world.

but nobody saw her
she tried to talk to them,
but... they didn't listen!
she tried to give them love
out from the bottom of
her cotton balls
but they didn't care.

she tried to draw their attention
and ripped a piece
of her leg in a nail on the wall
but nobody noticed.
she tried again
and, to make they worry
she threw herself
from the stairs
into the dog's mouth.

but they didn't care.
instead, they put her in a jar
an old glass jar
with a rusty lid,
where she wouldn't bother anymore.

and, with her button-eyes
she cried
one tear at a time
while watching Life
from the inside
of her jar.

And it wasn't beautiful.
It was black
It was white
And there was no flavor
(even though she didn't have a tongue).

Then one day
someone forgot
brushes and paint
and she popped the lid out
and painted the jar.

now she still sees the world
with button-colored eyes
but her world is now
in a light blue sky
with cotton clouds
in a jar.

The little seastar

From the sky
she fell
it hurt
and she didn't know where she was

she was sad
the land was strange
and the inhabitants scared her
and there was no where to run to

nobody talked to her
and she didn't know what to say
she just fell
from the sky

and now she misses
home
and love and care
she didn't understand
why was so hard it here

and then
she looked beyond her surroundings
and in the deep blue
she felt peace.

and there she went
to never came back
again.

The fisherman


There was once
this simple and hearty man
he didn't care much about things
but he cared about the people
and the fish
He lived in this small village
with simple people
and everybody knew him.
Everyday we would go into the ocean
and would return by the end of the day
In his small boat
A single basket
full of fish.
And this way he fed the village
and himself.
His hands were not soft skin
Nor moonlight pale
they were harshness
they were sun
they were salt and water

the fisherman didn't smile much
nor talk a lot
people used to speak of him
when he was gone
and by the end of the day
they would speak to him
and he would listen,
to every single one,
with care and tenderness

Every night
he would open one fish
carefully
tenderly
for it gave its life so he could have his
touching it softly
with his crude hands
And then,
when nobody else was on the beach
and there was just silence and night
stars and waves
he would go walk
his feet, touching the sand
still warm by the sun.
And he felt happy.

Day by day
His fish
and his people
And his heart was growing distant
And his days in the ocean started to become longer
and longer
and longer.
The sand his feet touched
was now cold

People started to wonder
And complain
For the fish was arriving too late
And a new man started to fish for the people.
Nobody ate his fish
anymore
Nor sit down by him
to ask for advice
But he still wandered
on the beach
under the dark sky
covered by stars.

One day
the fisherman left his home
he didn't take his net
he didn't take his basket
he just took his boat
and, along with the waves
he was gone.

Weird girl visits the fairies land

weird girl
spoke to the air
ghosts were her friends
and she called bugs
fairies

weird girl
liked playing with the fire
one day she got caught
in an ugly disaster

weird girl
looked then really strange
the other kids in the school
didn't think she was cool
and wanted her
to be changed

weird girl
got really sad
and nothing her mom said
could ever get her back

weird girl
got then a pair of knives
one for bread
for the butter
one for meat
one for her

and the girl-suicide
provoked a unlikely tide
of people crying
for her dying.

Hide and seek

One, two,three
where are you?
One, two, three
I'm coming soon
One, two, three
Don't hide from me

one two three
are you on the tree?
one two three
are you inside here?
one two three
coming to you
soon

you can't hide
'cause i see all
i see where you are
and your mama
your papa
your sister
and your brother


one two three
is it in here?
one two three
it's getting chilli
one two three

here i go
down the hill
in the house
in the room
in your room
where are you?
come, come,
i know where you are

don't go far
i'm just behind you
can't you hear my breathing?
can't you feel in the air
near your back
don't you hide
i'm right behind you

i see your brother
in the dark
under the bed
just by the sheet
come, come,
from where you are
because
here am i

i see your sister
hidden in the kitchen
just by the oven
it's getting warm
it's getting hot
come, come
here i am

i see your mama
hiding in the bath tub
just in the water
come, come
you can't turn
here i am

i see your papa
in the closet
just by the gun
come, come
don't you run
because
here i am

i see you
just in front of me
turn around
in the dark
can't you see?

one two three
here
am
i

out from africa

PS: this short story that I wrote is intentionally written incorrectly. It is my intention not to capitalize or use proper English, due to the nature of my character.


so one day i waked up in a big boat, sailing through all that blue, with the chill breeze coming on my face...

i had no clue. what was all that blue? i later discovered that they called it ocean. all that weird people.... with funny things at them heads and strange ways to cover them bodies....

i looked around and up above and down and around again. wood. dark and dirty. the sky was blue, like all that water around. where was everybody that i knew? who was this people? and they speaked in a funny way. i didn't understood shit.

someone yelled at i. i didn't know it was at i, at first, but then he kicked i and gave i a thing, wet, and a bowl with water. i still had no clue. the thing was a wood stick with some hair in the bottom, but its hair was different from mine. well, everything was different from i. i was very confused.

the man got very nervous and yelled even more. another man, shorter and older, told he something and then he showed i what he wanted i to do: he wanted i to dip the funny stick into the bowl of water and to rub it on the floor. it didn't really clean it, but it looked less dirty.

so, not knowing what was going on, i decided to do it. i don't like when other yell at i and i didn't want the discolored man to yell again.

while doing it, i was trying to understand what that was. it seemed like a boat, like those i and my friends used to use to cross the river. but this one was much much more big. well, there was much, much more water, too.

i wonder if i had too much of the herb and now was just dreaming. or maybe the gods was mad at i. i just couldn't remember how i ended up there. i wasn't scared. but i had never saw so many ugly people. their hairs was strange.... more long than mine. and they was straight. they must have some illness, because them skin didn't have any color. i hope i don't get it from them.

i didn't know for how long i should do that cleaning. i also didn't know how to ask. when i tried to ask one young discolored boy, he looked at I and made some sound that i didn't understood. then i tried again. he just walked away. i think he was laughing. or not. i don't know. he didn't open him mouth very much. at first, i didn't understand. but then i saw some of they didn't have their teeth. or, if they had it, they was very ugly. yeah. they was very ugly. i hoped i woke up from the dream soon. i promised i would be more careful with the herb.

then i saw some of them getting together. they had a big fat closed wooden bowl. and they opened it, and a liquid come out of it. was that bowl giving? hey, they was drinking it! then i decided to come close and see it better. i got worried about they.

i said, "hey, don't drink it! it can be bad!", but they looked at i and laughed. i tried again, this time miming. then them really laughed. one of they grabbed i and forced i under the bowl's thing. i started struggling and trying to scape. now i was scared! i didn't want to drink no bowl's thing! they forced i to open my mouth and another of them opened the thing. i just closed my eyes and .... ops! i couldn't stop coughing. i was choking!
but, after a little, i stopped coughing. they was looking at i. i looked at they. it felt good! i liked the bowl's thing. then i wanted some more - i turned around and opened the bowl and drunk a lot of the thing! the men started to laugh at i and i hearded them saying something like "rum! rum! rum!". i thought that the name of the thing was rum.

after some time, things was funny. i was feeling very funny. everything was dancing around i and i was very dizzy. i laid down on the floor and looked up the sky. there was a black thing, hanging on the big stick, in the middle of the big boat. the black thing seemed the same kind as their clothes. but very black, with a white drawing in the middle. i didn't know what that was.

the night came in and they gived me food. and funny clothes. and i saw that they had funny shiny sticks on they. next day i learned what the stick did. they had a fight between two discolored men and one stuck the stick in the other and they throwed the dead in the sea. so now i knew what the stick was for.

the days was passing and i was learning to hear some words. they was very angry sometimes. but sometimes they maked i laugh. but sometimes, at night, i wondered about my home. and my friends. and my mama. and my papa. that was being a very long dream, if it was a dream. but i didn't think it was a herb dream no more. i think i was punished for something. they took i away from my home and i didn't know why or how. i totally forgot what happened.

after some days, i learned a word, "aye!". the first time i repeated, the young boy laughed. and then i saw he didn't have some of this teeth. i think "aye" was good. at least, "aye" was more good to say. i learned that, if i didn't say "aye" and did something that they pointed to me, they hitted i and pushed i into the dark room, under the boat. there were others there, but they were old and sick and didn't want to have talk with i. i was strong and i think that is why they wanted i on top, working. more good for i.

one day, i didn't want to do anything. i was feeling sick. and i didn't said 'aye'. and they grabbed i, and wrapped i in rope and maked i walk on a wooden board, almost falling into the ocean. i started to cry and say 'aye!aye!aye!'. they laughed and bringed i back to the boat. i was shaking and very sad. and very angry, too. but i did what they wanted i to do.

another day, i was cleaning fish to eat and i hearded a terrible sound. i thinked that it was the gods that was nervous with we. some of the other men cooking with i took their shiny sticks out and went out to the ship top. some laid down on the floor. i didn't know what to do. i thinked about going out to beg the gods to forgive i and not kill i.
i went out and there was a big, big boat, throwing big black balls at us! one big black ball passed very near i and i was shaking and peeing in my pants. i was crying and scared. the mens were running and throwing back other black balls. that was where the big awful sounds came from!
i crawled under a counter and tried to stay very quiet. but then some of the other mens of the other boat, getted into our boat and started fighting. i was very very scared.

then one of them saw i. i tried to run, but he came after i. he had one of those sticks. i grabbed one from someone that was dead and i fought. i killed that man. i was afraid. and then other men came to kill i. i used the shiny stick a lot. but then one of them stuck the stick into my arm and i let my stick fall. when he was about to kill i, another of them men came and told my killer something and they didn't kill i. they wrapped i in rope and one of them men was tooking care of i. my boat lost the fight. a lot was dead and the ones that was alive, was wrapped in rope like i. they took us to the other boat.

i was in the dark room for a long time, with chains on my wrists and foots. i was very sad. i was sad because i didn't like no kill. i didn't like blood. i was very peaceful and i didn't understand why i was there and why i had to kill those mens. i was crying.

in this boat, they gived i food, but the food was very bad. it was more bad than the other boat. but it wasn't for a long time. one day, the boat stopped. and they took i out. my eyes was hurting with the light.
they forced i to walk in this strange place. the people was wearing strange clothes. but they had more color on their skin. but not as beautiful as i. the place was full of big houses, round on the top, full of yellow rocks, and the men had funny clothes on them heads. i was very confused again.

it was very hot. and they taked us to a very big and open place. and the place was full of other people. and they were all very different in color, faces, hairs and clothes. i was very curious. what was that?

they lined us and maked us walk to a higher wood floor, where they showed us to the people. they was screaming things that i didn't understand. one by one, they took all of us to that higher place and the mens was screaming. and then one man would come up and give the man that took us there some shiny round pieces of rock. some silver, some golden.

then they took i.

The New Atheism

Ok. So I was reading this article about the New Atheism, and I just have to drop a few words here about it. Couldn't pass this subject without making my own point, right? ;)

First of all, I believe in respect. We should respect other people's beliefs, being them ridiculous to us or not. I know it sounds funny talking about respect and referring to them this way, but I am not a hypocrite either. That is what you think sometimes when you're faced with a belief that makes no sense to you, even if you deny it.

I don't know where I am positioned now. But it's definitely an uncomfortable position, whatever it is. I have my spiritualist believes, which in moments of despair were all that I had. But also I have my passion for science,logic and my need for explanations. I believe that everything in the natural world has a scientific explanation. But, on the other hand, what is the exact extension of the natural world? I mean, when I think "natural world", what am I really referring to? I try to find more explanations.
Is it whatever it is touchable, concrete? Is it so absurd to believe in what science can't prove or disprove? Doesn't doubt give the right to believe or disbelieve, being it in the same proportion, 50 to 50%? Since you can't prove or disprove....

Does it make any difference, believing or disbelieving, or the existence of God or not? Shouldn't we be moved to good actions motivated just by noble feelings, rather than by fear of God or next life? But, if the fear of God or next life is the only or, at least, the strongest motivation to work on being good to the others, isn't it worthy to respect or have?
It might not be the noblest of the motivations, but isn't it worthy and, paraphrasing Machiavelli, "the ends justify the means" (well, I don't know if in English that is how it was quoted,but...), in the meaning of doing good? I want to make clear that I am questioning the use of the ends to justify the means in the case of doing good to the others.

Anyways, some of the New Atheists believe that you should attack faith, whatever faith it is, with the same non-tolerance of the fundamentalists believers. For me, that is bullshit. For me, they are just doing the exact same thing they disapprove: the blind belief in something that can't be proven or disproven. This is the essence of all the bloody wars human mankind has seen: the intolerance and disrespect for what it is not your own belief.

I agree with the scientific thought, scientific methods, but since they can't prove or disprove God and other life, how can the new atheists be so sure that everybody else that believes is so wrong? On the other hand, I also agree that people shouldn't be afraid of expressing their faith or lack of. And they shouldn't be disrespected for it - neither Atheists, or Christians or Jews, or Muslims or whatever it is. By doing so, the New Atheists are being the subject of their own reproval.

The Ceremony

Wedding of Michelle and Matt

Saturday, 16th of June 2007

in Laguna Beach, CA

Introduction

Celebrant : Welcome, everyone! Thank you all for being here. Matt and Michelle are very excited you are with them on their wedding day! We are all together in this special place to celebrate the love and relationship of these two very special people.

Matt and Michelle, all these people care very deeply about you. They not only offer you love and friendship, but they are there to encourage and support the love that has grown between you. In our presence, you will declare your love to each other. You will make promises to begin this new journey together. This is the start of your new life, from where you will begin to share your home, your future, and your dreams, with each other.

Couple's Story

Celebrant: Believe it or not, if it wasn't for the internet, Matt and Michelle may have never met. Matt says he just had to try and connect with a girl as beautiful as Michelle, and Michelle remembers how intrigued she was by what she read on Matt's online profile. These two actually only wrote emails to each other in the beginning. Michelle says she "just loved the way he wrote: so open, so clear - it seemed to (her) that (she) could read him by the way he used the words".

About a month later, on December 27th, Michelle and Matt spoke on the phone together for the first time. They went out on their first date on January 3rd. It took Michelle two and a half hours to get ready because she says she was so anxious. They went to an Italian restaurant, where they were the only two people. And they talked and talked.

Matt says he thinks he fell in love with Michelle just a few weeks later. He can't point to an exact moment, but he knew how right it felt to be with her. He says he had never met anyone with such a unique nature. He loves how Michelle looks at the world differently, and he loves her detailed perception of things. He is also struck by how Michelle really cares about this world and the people in it.

On their third date, it was too cold to play chess on the beach, so they went to a wine bar instead, and that's where Matt told her he wanted to see her exclusively. Michelle says it is a little hard to define when exactly she fell in love with Matt, but she remembers how every single moment of that day is so bright in her memory and makes her so happy that she thinks it was right then.

Vows

Celebrant: Now, please hold hands and look into each other's eyes.

Matt, Michelle loves how you are so trustworthy, so honest and so talented. She loves your sarcasm and your sense of humor, and how you make her feel like being a better person each day. She says how she loves everything about you, including your flaws. And now Michelle will express her love to you in her own words.

Michelle:

Matt,

Today we are starting a new journey together. Wherever it will take us, I want to help you to make it long and beautiful, full of love, understanding, honesty and respect.

I love you deeply and I want to share with you what I am and the life that lies ahead of me.

You are my four seasons and I hope I can bring to your life the light you brought to mine.

You are my summer, brightening my days with your warm hugs, blue eyes, love, laughs, your jokes. You are happiness.

You are my spring, helping me to blossom and grow into a better person everyday; you are the love that nurtures.

You are my fall, teaching me to mature, to let go, to forgive. You teach me to adapt and change, keeping my true colors strong with your strength. You are forgiveness and generosity.

You are my winter, being hard on my lack of focus, blowing cold on my face to teach me courage, strenght and perseverance to reach for my dreams. You are discipline, courage and truth.

With my heart, I promise you I will do my best to be for you the love, understanding and respect that you are for me.

And with my honor, I promise you my loyalty and honesty, always.

I love you more than anything and I wish to be your wife, for as long as we are on this earth.

Celebrant: Michelle, Matt loves that everything you do and say is performed with love and care. He loves the deep discussions you have with one another, and wants to travel and experience new things with you. He says he loves laughing when you curse in English and when both your words are lost in translation. He laughs, when you laugh. And now Matt will express his love to you in his own words.

Matt: (Matt created his vows at the moment of the ceremony, saying that he wanted to be Michelle's husband and that he loved her more than anything. He also said more beautiful things about his feelings toward her and how he also grows with her).

Ring vows

Celebrant: Throughout history, a wedding ring has served different functions. Rings are exchanged as gifts, and symbolize pledges of faithfulness and trust. The circle on the finger represents unity, and marks eternity, with no beginning and no end. Matt and Michelle will now place a ring on each other's finger as a reminder of the promises they have made to each other today.

Matt: Michelle, I give you this ring. It is a symbol of my unending love, loyalty and respect.

Michelle: Matt, I give you this ring. It is a symbol of my unending love, loyalty and respect.

Conclusion

Celebrant: Michelle and Matt, to end this ceremony, listen closely to this Native American blessing from the Apache tribe.

" Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other.

Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth for the other.

Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other.

Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you.

May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years.

May happiness be your companion and your days together be good and long upon the Earth."

" Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves.

When frustration, difficulties and fear assail your relationship, as they threaten all relationships at one time or another,

remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part which seems wrong.

In this way, you can ride out the storms when clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives - remembering that even if you lose sight of it for a moment, the sun is still there.

And if each of you take responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight."

It is a tremendous honor, as a Celebrant and officiant of the State of California, to announce, for the very first time as husband and wife: ladies and gentlemen,

Mrs. and Mr. Michelle and Matthew Mocarski!

Please, kiss!

So, I'm back!

So, I am back! =)

Re-starting my blog with the start of my new life with my beloved husband.

Let's keep on blogging! =)

My wedding vows to my beloved Matthew

Matt,

Today we are starting a new journey together. Wherever it will take us, I want to help you to make it long and beautiful, full of love, understanding, honesty and respect.
I love you deeply and I want to share with you what I am and the life that lies ahead of me.

You are my four seasons and I hope I can bring to your life the light you brought to mine.

you are my summer, brightening my days with your warm hugs, love, laughs, your jokes. You are happiness.

you are my spring, helping me to blossom and grow into a better person everyday; you are love that nurtures.

you are my fall, teaching me to mature, to let go, to forgive. You teach me to adapt and
change, keeping my true colors strong with your strength. You are forgiveness and generosity.

you are my winter, being hard on my lack of focus, blowing cold on my face to teach me courage,
strenght and perseverance to reach for my dreams. You are discipline and truth.

With my heart, I promise you I will do my best to be for you the love, understanding and respect that you are for me.

And with my honor, I promise you my loyalty and honesty, always.

I love you more than anything and I wish to be your wife, for as long as we are on this earth.

Good bye

The Lady of the Lake says good bye to this blog. At least until she can be The Lady of the Lake again.

Something is wrong in Denmark

There is something wrong in Denmark.....

I'm confused. Sometimes we go to paths led by some misterious reasons that we don't even know the answer. And then the shivers.... like if there was a big picture right here and you can't see the bigger picture because you're IN it....

Awckward....

Like playing hide and seek with lights off.... the shivering goes on and on....

Who is behind the door?
Who is behind the curtains?
Is anybody in the back door room?
Is anybody in the end of the dark corridor?

Shivers.... all over the body.....
It is really cold in the dark.....

The legend of the dragon and the panda

Long, long ago, at a time memory can't remember, there were 2 brothers that lived in China. They were born in a small town and they had a pretty good life, compared to the other people, not meaning they were rich or anything. But they were definitely smarter and not as ordinary as the other people. They had something special about them.

Not only different from the others they were, but also very different from each other. One, the oldest, was sweet and calm and very compassionate. His patience knew no limits and, because of this, he was known as "the wise brother". His heart was as big as his body, round and slow. He truly cared about everybody else and didn't mind if people didn't thank him or remembered of him.

The youngest brother, on the other hand, was very impulsive and bad-tempered. Not that he was a bad man; but he had envy on him and this envy usually led him to anger. Maybe his envy was associated with his vanity - but whatever the case was, he didn't know how to control it.
He was known in the village as "the air-headed brother", because of his imprudent acts, like getting into fights and bragging. That used to make him even angrier. He envied his older brother's patience and kindness. He couldn't believe it was real - for him, his brother was faking it, to pass by the people as a good man, whereas in reality, he was as envy and vain as him.

The younger brother, at the same time, had love and admiration for the older one. Deep inside his heart, he wished people loved him and respected him as they did to his brother. He just didn't know how to gain it.

One day, as the brothers were going into another village to sell his father's goods, two bandids assaulted them and were punching his brother, in order to get the purse of gold he was carrying. The younger one, totally dominated by anger and fear for his brother's life, start to fight the two bandids, not carrying they had knives on them. As he was very strong built, he could get the knives from the bandids and, instead of killing them, he let them run away.
The older brother, full of gratitude, asked the younger why he didn't kill them (which would have been the younger's natural response to the assault). The younger told him, "I felt pity for them". The older, then, told his brother how proud he was of his act of generosity towards those two that tried to harm them. The younger just smiled, as proud as a peacock. He had loved the feeling of deciding upon life and death - the feeling of power - and now he loved even more the feeling of being considered "a good man", a "brave man", "the savior of the weak and indefense".

Turns out that someone had seen him doing that. There was a peasant hidden behind a tree who saw everything. Getting to the village, he told all the people about how one single man had fight hard to save his brother's life. When the two brothers arrived in the village, everybody wanted to talk to the youngest and congratulate him for his courage.

The younger thought, "They love me! They recognize how good and brave I am!", and his heart got full of happiness. The older brother was happy to see his little brother's happiness. But a mean thought came into his mind," I hope he is happy for the fact that I am ok and that he did the right thing, not for the feeling of being recognized". But he soon felt embarassed of these thoughts and went on with his duties.

From this day and on, the younger brother was always trying to help someone, making sure there was always a witness around. Whenever there wasn't anybody, he would tell someone else how unlucky somebody was, but fortunately he was around and had been able to offer some help. And he would make sure that at least 3 people knew about his "good heart" and would recognize how good he was and praise him. His anger gave path to pride. He no longer was angry at others - instead, he would preach them and show them how patient and merciful he was, and that that was a sign of wisdom - putting himself as an example to be followed.

The wise brother wasn't consulted about some issues anymore and nobody in their village was talking about him. Everybody was excited about talking to the new "wise man", the one that was better looking and also talked louder and more than the old one.

The older brother started to feel sad for the younger. "He is so mistaken in using charity in order to gain people's love and attention. He doesn't realize this recognition isn't eternal and one day they will find another hero. Then he won't have any reason to keep doing good actions and anger and envy will take place in his heart again.", and he would cry so much for his younger brother's fate, that his eyes started to get dark circles under them.

One day, the wise man decided to talk to his younger brother about his behavior and the consequences of doing things for vanity not for compassion. The younger man was totally taken by anger and couldn't really listen to his brother's words. "You are jealous of me", he yelled, "because now people love me more than they love you. You wanted to be in my place and now you are getting desperate for their attention and want to get me out of your way. Do you want me to believe that you didn't expect any recognition? Of course you did!"

As the older brother kept trying to bring his younger to reason, the young man was getting angrier and angrier. And, in a moment of impetuosity, he attacked his brother, hitting him and making him lose balance. Unfortunately, they were near a cliff, and his older brother fell into it, becoming seriously injured. Instantly the young man realized what he had done and despair took over him. He went down the cliff to get his brother and couldn't get his brother to wake up. Among tears of deep regret, he put his dear brother on his shoulders and walked to the village, in order to find the old faith-healer that lived there for so many years.

As he got into the village, all people crowed around him, asking themselves what had happened. Tearing apart, the young man cried out loud, " I killed him! I killed my brother! Oh, please, come back, please! I'm so sorry for my pride and vanity!", and all people knew what the fight had been about. Some looked at him with contempt, others with pity, others with shock and all with disapproval.

Getting to the faith-healer's house, the imprudent brother told him what had happened. The faith-healer then, said, "I don't have the medical plants to cure him here. When he fell, a thorn got into his skin and let its poison in him. Unfortunately, it's fatal and I can't cure him."
The young man went into total despair and begged him to help him fix what he had done. The faith-healer, being an old man and having seen all sorts of things in his life, told the desperate man, "I can't cure him, but there is someone that can. But he doesn't live here and you would have to run, fly and swim to get there. Besides, you'd better take fire with you, because it's a very cold and dark land."
"I will do whatever it is necessary", the brother said, "but will there be time to save him?".
"It'll depend only on you. You will have to fly and run to be able to be there, carrying your brother in your arms or on your shoulders, since he can't do it by himself. And you have very, very little time. You will know if you're running out of time because the poison leaves black spots on the person's skin and those spots grow as the poison spreads."
And getting the information on how to get to the other faith-healer, the younger brother went away from the village, carrying his brother on his arms and crying.

Night and day he would walk along the river, that would lead them to their goal. At night, he would make fire and carry it around, so his brother wouldn't freeze. But the spots start to appear and were growing. And he wasn't near the place yet. Then, he decided to run during the day and to fly during the night. To do so, he captured a huge meat eater bird, who he fed with his blood, every end of afternoon, so the bird would always come back and this way he would be able to fly on the bird's back, always feeding him with a little piece of the flesh of his right arm and his blood.

They were going faster now, but the spots were growing faster, too, as his right arm was now getting smaller, being almost 3/4 of its original size. And then pride started to give place to regret and humility, in the younger man's heart, as the pain increased.

One night, the bird started to try to eat pieces of his brother's arm, since his brother had a lot of flesh and he had his arm half the size it was in the beginning of the journey. Then he had to fight the bird. As the bird was huge, he was losing the battle. Then he remembered he had the ability to make fire and he could use it to drive his enemy away ("the enemy that one day was my friend", he thought, ironically). "But, a little fire won't scare it away", the young man thought, " I will have to make it bigger. But how?". That was when he remember having seen once a man swalling oil and fire and spitting a huge fire out of his mouth. He still had some kerosene that he brought to make light and, filling his mouth with it, he spit it in the air and let the fire consume the kerosene in the air. That scared the bird and it flew away but, as he didn't have any experience with this skill, the young man made a mistake and got some fire in his mouth, which still had some kerosene. He then start to spit fire out of himself, getting hurt and hurt. But after a few moments, he learned how to stop spitting fire, even though he could feel it inside of him.

From that night on, he started being able to defend himself and his brother from wild animals and other dangers. But his brother was getting more and more ill. He decided he would have to run faster. And for days, he ran. But after some time, he couldn't run anymore because his feet were hurt. He decided, then, to swim. Putting his brother on his back, he swam for days.

But again, after some time, he couldn't swim anymore and his brother had his body partially black now. The spots had taken over all of his both arms and ears and they were spreading even faster. The younger brother knew that now they were really close to the faith-healer's house, but he was afraid that they wouldn't make it in time to save his brother. They would have to fly now. But faster than before. He, then, had an idea and started crying for the meat-eater bird. The bird, who had been following them in the expectation of their death for tireness, showed up.

The younger brother made his offer to the bird," Bird, I know you want flesh. I can't give you much more of my flesh, but what I have left is strong enought to keep you fed for days. Otherwise we wouldn't have made it until here. So, I want to propose to you a trade: I will give more than half of my arms and keep only enough to have my hands and you'll give me half of your wings, so I can fly."

The bird thought for a while and then moved its head in a negative. But it pointed, with its beak, to his legs. The young man understood. "I can give you half of both of my legs, then, but you'll have to give me half of both your wings". The bird signaled positively. The man let the bird eat part of his arms and legs and, with the fire that never got extinct from inside of him, the blew that on what was left of his arms and legs and melted them together with his body again. After this, he cut half of the birds wings and, blowing fire on his back, he melted the wings with his own blood and flesh.

The young man, then, put his brother on his back and flew. He flew so fast that he got at the hearler's house in within a day, just in time to take his brother to him before the poison took over his brother's heart.

The healer could save the old brother, but couldn't take away the black of his skin. That would be his mark forever. And the younger brother was also marked forever: as the fire wouldn't get out of his body, he had turned into a reddish color. Besides, now he had small arms and legs and had wings. He couldn't live among people anymore. They would kill him for what he looked like now. And now he had a much better heart than before, when beauty still lived outside of him.

The older brother started crying for the sacrifice of his younger one and for his growth, that costed him so much. He didn't want to live among people anymore, because in his mind, it was the false illusion and recognition that had nurtured the vanity in his brother's heart.

The healer, seeing both brothers in suffering for regret and for love for each other, decided to transform them into two different animals that wouldn't see each other anymore. This was so because the view of each other provoked in them such a pain that border madness. So, for them, it was best not to be seen by the other. They would keep in their minds their love and kindness.

The older brother, as he was always kind and sweet and quiet, was transformed into a big and calm bear, which has one partner for life and bears one baby at a time. He would be living into the forest, among the bamboos, which would feed him, since the view of meat would remind him of his brother's sacrifice for him. He would never eat meat again, in respect for his brother's flesh. He became a bear with black arms and ears and round dark circles around his kind eyes, that seemed be aways tearing up. He was called Panda and would be still loved by all people around the world.

The younger brother, for his change of body and personality through suffering, both in flesh and soul, was transformed into an animal that had similarity with no other animal on Earth. He would have wings and fly, and would have legs and arms, so he would be able to walk, and he would spit and blow fire through his mouth and nose, so he could keep protecting himself and the others. For his own sacrifice for his brother in order to protect and save the latter, he became the Dragon, the one that protects.

But, he didn't want recognition anymore. He didn't want to live among the living beings. He wanted to protect people, but didn't want people to know he was really protecting them. He didn't want people to know of his existence. He finally had learned the lesson his brother wanted so much him to learn: humility.

Being so, the healer then made him into an animal that would exist in people's memories, but that nobody would have ever seen. People would know about him, but nobody would ever know if he was imagination or reality. He would live in people's imagination and would protect them without them knowing it was him. His protection to men would be credited to all sorts of other people or entities or animals and nobody would ever thank to him. That would be his redemption for his past of arrogance: to live to protect and serve without being ever recognized for that.

And this way, the Dragon was never seen by anybody else ever again, and it is loved and feared, but nobody is sure of him. His brother, the Panda, with his sweet sad eyes, kept being loved by all.

Ok, this is not a real legend. I have just created it, while I was doing my pedicure and manicure.