I want my country, my beaches, my people, my friends, my family!!!! I want my Brasil!!!!!

Man.... I want my people, my friends, my family, my warm beaches and delicious food....! I want the life I recognize back! I miss it so fucking much!

I have just got an email from a very dear friend, who I haven't seem for a loooong time... and saw pictures of her and her family (she is already a mom! and I remember when we used to skip classes at school when we were 15!), on the beach, on our delicious summer..... I MISS THAT ALL SO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!!!!!

I decided to stay and that is good for me, but... sometimes my heart just breaks ( like now) and I can't control the tears rolling down on my face... our brazilian summer.... our warm beaches.... our sea.... our food..... our "pf".... our "feijoada".... our "skol, brahma, kaiser, antartica, bohemia, bavaria, itaipava e ateh mesmo a horrivel Nova Schin" (those are our beer brands).... the little bars (kind of bar-bakery-or-something-like-that) on the corner of the streets, on Augusta Street, very close to Paulista Avenue, across from "Espaco Unibanco" movie theater, with all those plastic chairs and tables and all that alternative, different people there, drinking a brain-freezing beer even in the winter.... my friends.... my USP.... oh, my so beloved USP and that fucking system of grades that they have.... (USP, for those who don't know, means: University of Sao Paulo)....

Alan, Roberto, Raimundo, Patty, Andre, Sheilinha, Ricardo, Ton, Andreza, Tati, Vagner, Gui, Manu, Rogerio, Will, Ralph, Fabao, Livia, Patricia minha prima, Claudinha, Juju, Maris, the volleyball friends, friends from CNA, Fernanda, Carol.... friends.... Have I forgotten anybody? Hummm.... if I did, please forgive me : I am in the flow of the emotion.

Mom....
My grumpy brother...
my old, old, old granny....
my cat....
my dog - who bit me 2 or 3 times in his life - but i never bit him back! ;) .....

I MISS YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bring me back our sun! Bring me back our beaches! Our beer on the beach! Our music! Bring me back what it is like listen to Ivete Sangalo in Carnival! Bring me back what it is like to spend The New Years Eve and Carnival on the beach, drinking very cold beer and listening to our warm music in our warm weather with our warm people!!!! Bring me back home! Bring me back to my grandma's house in the end of a sunny afternoon! Bring me back the unique and special smell you feel when you get into her house! Bring me back that atmosphere ...! Bring me back my mom's chicken pie! Bring me back my mom's broccoli pie! Bring me back my mom's banana pie! Bring me back smoking in my brother's bedroom while talking about something and enjoying our friends' moments!

I think I won't have it for a long, long time yet....

Under the dark blue rain - poem by myself

Under the dark blue rain

by Michelle Inaba

I walk in this street
The rain washes all my body
But not my sorrow

The drops are not silver
They are dark blue
As the sky above me
If I was supposed to run somewhere
I wouldn’t know the directions
But my soul is tired
It has already walked so much!
And I haven’t gotten anywhere
In this watercolor of shadows
The music touches my spirit
It is a soft silk hand
To pet my hurt and blind feelings
And I’m guided to a place of peace and serenity
The notes are like balsam
My body gets shine
And I walk over the profound puddle
I know this street
It will take long to end
But I hope the dark blue rain stops
So I can see a little bit of light
Trying to find the way again
As I go into the thick blue
And my feet get wet with the dark water
I understand more and more that I'm lost
And the urgency of coming back
All I have is just that dark water around me
That I would be good if I could have a little sun
But not today
Today I will walk under the rain
Soak my soul
Thirsty to understand.

Somewhere between san fran and today

I lost myself. Definitely. I am somewhere between San Fran and today.
I don't know exatly where I lost me.
I was so full of life, so full of certainty of everything... what happened?

Today I feel with a hole in my soul. No reason. Not that I know.

In san fran everything seemed so possible, so bright, so colorful.
The colors started to fade, slowly.... they started to melt and I, desperately, try to drag them with me. I try to keep them alive. But .... I lost them! I don't know where. I try to re-do the way I was following... but...just shadows.

The best days of my life

If I could, I would live forever in those four days in San Fran....those were the best days of my life.